


I Love You (He Loves Me Not)

by roswyrm



Category: Rusty Quill Gaming (Podcast)
Genre: Denial of Feelings, Fluff and Angst, How Do I Tag, I'm Sorry, M/M, Mutual Pining, Oblivious
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-05
Updated: 2019-04-05
Packaged: 2020-01-05 01:31:13
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,686
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18355841
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/roswyrm/pseuds/roswyrm
Summary: There weren't too many flowers around where Zolf grew up, so he'd play that game with bits of grass. "He loves me," he'd say, picking off an allotted amount of the stem, "he loves me not," until the whole grass blade was gone.Of course, now, it's not a problem. Hamid tells him, clear-cut, that he loves him. It's pretty hard to be unsure about how Hamid meant it when he's sobright,smiling back so wide when Zolf manages to stutter out a confession of his own.Hamid loves him.Hamid loves him not.





	I Love You (He Loves Me Not)

**Author's Note:**

  * For [blacksatinpointeshoes](https://archiveofourown.org/users/blacksatinpointeshoes/gifts).



> **me:** here's the set up to some accidental-dating bc hamid seems like the type for platonic "i love you"s and is completely clueless!  
>  **blacksatinpointeshoes:** hey, not to veer sharply into sadness, BUT,
> 
> and then they veered sharply into sadness, so now everyone's gonna be sad with me. the aprilled fool cannot save you now. Working Title: _godDAMN it i dont wanna go THROUGH this shit again!!!!!!!_

Hamid is very open with his feelings. He always has been, even if he's not quite sure where he picked it up from. So he doesn't think much of it when he yawns and tells Bertie, "I'm going to go to bed. Goodnight, love you!" Bertie, sharpening his sword, mumbles something affirming back, and Hamid smiles to himself.

He checks in on everyone, in various stages of their bedtime rituals. Sasha is sitting cross-legged in a corner, emptying a suspicious grey powder into a small bomb casing. "Do you have to do that now?" She doesn't look up at him. He's actually not sure she even heard him, still intently focused on her bomb. Her tongue is sticking out of her mouth. Hamid sighs. "Goodnight, Sasha. I love you." Sasha does look up at that, just briefly.

"Oh," she says, seeming a bit stunned. She dips her head before focusing back on the explosives in her lap. "Yeah, alright, Hamid." And Hamid may not know how that translates _directly_ from Sasha-speak, but he's pretty sure it's as close as he's going to get to an 'I love you, too'. Hamid beams.

Zolf is- is he praying? Hamid doesn't want to interrupt him if he's praying. He also doesn't want to just leave without saying goodnight, though. It seems rude. So Hamid ends up hovering anxiously in the doorway, trying not to stare. Hovering _very_ anxiously, Hamid has no idea why he suddenly feels so tightly-wound. He's probably just tired, or something. "Do you have any incense I could burn?" Hamid starts at his voice, and Zolf finally turns around. "Did I just scare you?" 

(Is Hamid blushing? It's probably just embarrassment.) "No," he lies, ignoring the disbelieving expression on Zolf's face as he goes on, "and I don't have any incense. I do have a tealight around here somewhere! If you– if that works." Zolf makes a face. Hamid shrugs apologetically. "Sorry. I just came to tell you goodnight."

Zolf turns back to his makeshift-altar. "Alright," he says, clearly having lost interest.

"Love you," Hamid says as he goes. (Hamid's always been very open with his feelings, and he's always been very affectionate with the friends he has. There's no reason for his chest to tighten nervously, for his palms to turn clammy, for his pulse to flutter.) 

He's halfway down the hall when Zolf leans out of the door and calls, "Uh, Hamid?"

"Hm?"

"You too. I-I love– yeah." Hamid can't help the delighted smile that breaks across his face. Because Zolf can be a bit untrusting, and relatively closed off, so the fact that he's making such an effort causes Hamid's heart to warm up. They look at one another for a long moment, (Hamid has to hold onto his hands very tightly behind his back so that he doesn't run and give Zolf a hug) and then Zolf clears his throat and nods decisively and ducks back into his own room. "Night." Hamid allows himself one very small victory bounce. No one else can see him, so it's okay to behave like a bit of an idiot. 

(Maybe it's weird that Hamid feels this happy about proof that his friend trusts him.)  
\---  
"Bye," Hamid says, already half out the door and attempting to run to catch up with Bertie without actually leaving yet, "I love you!"

(He directs it more at Zolf than at Sasha. He doesn't know why. Probably because Zolf is more likely to say it back, and because Hamid doesn't like translating Sasha-speak when it comes to feelings.)

Hamid can only see the back of Zolf's head over the couch, but the (clearly bitten-down) smile is evident in his voice when he mutters, "Love you, too." 

Hamid beams (he must be wearing too many layers in this heat because suddenly his face feels very warm) and waves goodbye to Sasha before ducking out the door after his friend.

(Sasha doesn't seem to notice, though, staring incredulously at Zolf.)  
\---  
Bertie laughs victoriously, opening and shutting the refrigerator door with vigour. Hamid… doesn't actually know what the hell Bertie thinks he's doing, but the man seems to be having a good time. "Bertie?" Bertie slams the door and turns to him expectantly. "I love you," Hamid tells him because it's the only thing he can think to say, and it's important that Bertie knows.

Bertie nods in acknowledgement. "Yes, well, most people do, Hamid. I love you, too." Hamid shakes his head and rolls his eyes fondly and tunes out the steady click/slam/click/slam of the door thudding open and shut.  
\---  
Sasha snatches a knife out of the kitchen sink and frowns at Hamid. "Why'd you put it in there?" 

Hamid blinks at her. "...it's dirty? I'm going to wash it and then put it back in the knife block when I'm done cooking." Sasha blinks back before swiping the blade back and forth along her sleeve. Hamid winces.

She flips it around expertly and holds it out to him handle-first. Hamid continues stirring the mushrooms and doesn't take it. "There. Clean." Hamid laughs, and Sasha's posture tightens defensively. "What?" Hamid shakes his head and turns back to the stove.

"Nothing," Hamid says fondly into the pot, "I just love you."

Something settles on top of his head. Is- Is Sasha patting him? Like a dog? Sasha's patting him like a dog. Alright, well, that's not the weirdest affection he's received from her. "Yeah, alright," she says, and there's a hint of pride on her voice. Hamid smiles and continues cooking.  
\---  
Hamid gets tired the earliest, and it has nothing to with the fact that he lost. "I'm going to bed," he announces, pushing his game-money into the centre. Zolf immediately claims his winnings, and Hamid doesn't care for his shit-eating grin one bit, thanks.

(Hamid considers kissing the smug look off of— no? _No,_ why is Hamid thinking that? Hamid doesn't even— where did that _come_ from?)

Sasha draws a card out of Bertie's stack while he isn't looking and says, "Night, Hamid." Hamid squints at her (has she been cheating the whole night?) before sighing wearily and turns to go to bed.

"I love you all; don't stay up too late." He fidgets with his cuffs as he goes, his suit quickly being replaced by pyjamas. 

"Alright, Hamid," answers Sasha, grinning at the card she'd stolen from Bertie.

"Love you too," answers Bertie, frowning at the card beneath the one Sasha stole from his stack.

"Yeah," answers Zolf, looking a bit confused, "you… yeah."

(Hamid doesn't know why that hurts him. Zolf just seems so unsure, and Hamid doesn't know _why._ Zolf said 'I love you' back earlier the same day, what's changed?)

(It doesn't matter. Hamid needs to sleep, and Zolf never talks about emotional things in front of other people.)  
\---  
Hamid knocks on Zolf's door. "Zolf?" Zolf hums vaguely in response, but he doesn't move any closer to the door. Hamid waits a second. The door stays closed. "Um, good night! I love you," Hamid calls through the door.

"Night," Zolf says, and that's it. 

(Hamid has no real reason to stand outside of Zolf's door for as long as he does, waiting for Zolf to tell him that he loves Hamid, too. But Hamid still leans against the doorframe until he hears Zolf sigh heavily and until he sees the light from underneath the door go out. He waits a few moments more before finally going to his own bed.)  
\---  
Zolf pushes the rest of his plate toward Hamid and Hamid gasps gently. "Zolf," he says very, _very_ seriously, "I love you." And he's expecting Zolf to laugh, and he's expecting Zolf to roll his eyes, and he's expecting Zolf to poke fun of him for being so overdramatic. 

But. Zolf's shoulders tense, and his eyes flick down, and his mouth sets in a hard line. "Yeah," he says, hiding the word with the way his head ducks down and he half-turns away. Hamid frowns. 

(Hamid tries, even though it pains him, to give Zolf back his food as a peace-offering. Zolf brushes him off, and he never once looks Hamid in the eye.)  
\---  
Hamid did something to make Zolf stop trusting him enough to be open about his feelings. Hamid's been subtly trying to ask what it was that he did, but Zolf either stonewalls him, changes the subject, or just flat out ignores him. And it's frustrating because Hamid can't apologise if he doesn't know what he's done wrong!

(Hamid shouldn't really care this much. Sasha doesn't say she loves him, either, but it's different with Zolf, somehow. Zolf _used to_ and then he _stopped._ Hamid's heart always skips a beat when he tells Zolf he loves him, and Zolf answering in kind set it back on track, but now Hamid feels disjointed. _Off,_ somehow.)

(Zolf always tenses when Hamid says 'I love you' and that hurts in a way that Hamid doesn't know how to explain. Zolf still responds, but only ever in monosyllables. 'Hm' or 'right' or 'sure' and the tone he always says it in, so flat, nearly snaps Hamid's heart in two. And Hamid doesn't know what he did, or how to fix it, so he just stops saying it.)

(Zolf looks up when he bids him goodnight without the 'I love you' trailing behind. Hamid very nearly adds it at the look on his face, but he doesn't. Hamid's probably getting the expression wrong. It's probably relief, and Hamid is just projecting.)

(Hamid has to make a conscious effort not to sound sad when he says good night, now. Because Zolf seems so relieved when he realises that all Hamid is going to say is goodnight, and that relief _hurts_ Hamid, inexplicably and inordinately, clawing into his chest and forcing his heart to stop instead of skip. But it's fine.)

Hamid never does manage to apologise, because he never manages to find out what he did wrong, but it's okay. This is easier for Zolf, and Hamid can put aside his own neediness for Zolf's sake. It's alright.

**Author's Note:**

> i'm SOOOORRY!!! hmu on tumblr @roswyrm and send me nice things and i'll try and write them for u ;o 
> 
> also check out @thoughtsbubble they're great when they're not Committing Crimes that i immediately have to commit also, but More Painfully.


End file.
